there is no way in hell you were this cute with anyone else but me. no one would ever do you wrong, or let you leave if you were the way you are with me
Like I really have no friends. The few I get, lose interest real quick and it makes me sad. Tiffany is in the same situation but she has Sam. I want a Sam.
It’s not even like she holds me back, I just close myself to everyone and the few people I don’t fend off usually drift away pretty casually. I don’t have a problem with Nick not being my friend, but I genuinely enjoyed Jacobs company. I always came down to join him in Guest Services, or even come see him when hes scheduled to leave but he always dismisses me and walks away with someone else and I’m left there alone, looking for an excuse to walk back upstairs. He’s not the onlt to do that but I just thought he’d want to talk too.
Hanging out with Josh is cool but once I make it a thing and we see each other three to four times a week he gets weird. Tiffany has the perfect availability to hangout with me, and I never feel like I need a friend the days I get to see her. But there are those days where we can’t hang out.
Whenever I think of us not being together the first feeling I get is panic. I don’t even imagine you with someone else before the panic starts. It starts the moment I realize how fragile what we have is and that you not being with me for the rest of my life could actually happen. I imagine you sleeping in my bed, with those beautiful eyes closed. With those soft eyelids that you let me rub sometimes gently touching. Then I imagine you silent, in the car on our way somewhere. Maybe on your phone or something. You deny being mad, or angry with the justification being that I never know how you feel. The panic is still there when I think of those moments too, the ones when you have me so angry and I contemplate driving into the coming traffic. I snap quickly out of it when I remember you are in the car with me. Usually after feeling this way I glance over at your chest to make sure you have your seatbelt on, and you alway do. I panic at the thought of being without you so much.